Just got home from chris's. Last night I chilled with Brad and Travis for a while. Didn't really do much. Got high- took some bong hits. Then Chris came and picked me up... we went to John's and then Brett's. Got high again and watched some crazy cartoon. That new show "drawn together" that show is twisted. Yeah time flew and before we knew it it was like fucking three in the morning. Went back to Chris's. His dad let us take the challenger for a hot min today, that was cool. lol. I lost my fucking $900 pinky ring last night, so not cool dude. I dunno man. I need to get my shit together, I really need some fucking motivation... I've become to apathetic. I really need to start getting some shit done. Yeah, it'll happen.. eventually. It's just I feel that I'm basically so torn... on one hand I can't wait to grow up and be on my own and just live my own life, yet I don't wanna... what is growing up... jumping into the vicious circle of redundance. Where everything is so scheduled and set straight. It can make a person feel so trapped, like what is the whole purpose? Work to make money which goes so quickly? Maybe I'll become a crack dealer. lol. nah lemme stop. I'm just afraid that in the end my life will have held no purpose, like I'll die a nobody who had no effect on anything. Like I wanna do something, I wanna be somebody. I guess I just wanna be happy. Atleast I have Chris. Last night talking to Brad I realized I'm such a lucky girl. I'm so lucky to have found Chris, it's so hard to find good people these days and I have just found the most amazing guy ever. I jus can't even explain it.. I love him so much. Now I really know what REAL LOVE is, I finally found s o m e t h i n g r e a . I'm about to go to the liquer store with my dad and go pick up Rhiannon. Tonight should be a fun night. Maybe a lil YAYOOO tonight kiddies. And thats a wrap for today... you know you love me <3l

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